Alone In The Dark
by SoldierPup
Summary: It's a dark day, and Ashley's alone for it all. Shepard activated the Crucible, and has not been heard from since! Ashley remains on the Normandy with the crew, and it is a dark day indeed. This is just the beginning.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N I've never actually wrote for Ashley, and sorry if she seems... OOC, but to be honest ever since that ending in ME3 I felt sad knowing my Shepley pairing was done forever. I was sorta feeling nostalgic I suppose and went to replay the whole trilogy. There really isn't anything that needs to be known, Shepard is fully paragon with a slight Bad-ass side. Romanced Ash through all the games, well if you can count that 'romance' in ME2. I absoulutly LOVE this pairing, and to be honest, not a big shenko shipper... I ship most everything but Shenko. I know this is short, but I wanted to just get this out, get this started, i have the next chapters under review so expect more! reviews are helpful guys! I mean Pwetty pwease wiith a cherry on top? With shaved chocolate, and whipped cream? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

Before the explosion blasted him, he saw four people. Four people that just so happened to be the most important .All these images triggered some sort of hidden memory inside him. Instead of his whole life, only the brightest parts broke the surface.

Joker and Garrus, his best friends. The two people that followed him to hell and back so readily, by his side every step of the way, faced him. Garrus's mandibles spread in a slight smirk, while Joker mouthed off one of his witty, sarcastic, and usually funny, remarks. Shepard remembers the memory, very well in fact. All these images triggered some sort of hidden memory inside him. Instead of his whole life, only the brightest parts broke the surface.

"_Welcome aboard Commander, how nice of you to join us!" Joker said, his chair swiveling. An enormous smirk on his face._

_"Agreed, Shepard, you've been holed in your cabin all day." Garrus drawls, raising a talon to his face and just resting it._

_"Haha, very funny. You know well enough, EDI locked me in. Speaking of which... EDI?" He called anger rising into his voice._

_"Yes, Commander Shepard?" And she sounded... somewhat innocent, however she was most definitely not. Damn the AI's and whoever thought them up first, Shepard couldn't help but think._

_"Well," The Commander clears his throat, "You wouldn't have happened to lock my quarters, from the outside, have you?" He asked._

_"Of course, Commander. The tests I ran said that there was only a 95.6218% chance you would act in a hostile way." The AI answered, without missing a beat. "And I ran that test twenty-five point five times. Joker told me that it would be a good, 'practical joke,' and that 'The Commander could use some laughter'"_

_Shepard sighed, and asked the most obvious question. Not before sending a very harsh glare at Joker._

_"Alright, twenty-five point five?"_

_"Yes, I am analyzing another test, as we speak." Joke and Garrus finally let loose the laugh that burned throughout them, so obviously. Shepard finally let the stern expression that was on his face fade and smiled. They were heading off to the Collectors Base soon, it would help to laugh a bit. Then he felt a deep pain in his chest... This picture was missing many people... _

Anderson, Shepard's father figure since he was 17. After Mindoir, Anderson helped Shepard deal with the death of his whole family, and then some. Shepard grew close to his Alliance mentor. His memory of Anderson was after the Battle of The Citadel. After all the meetings, and celebrations, Shepard met with Anderson. There was a certain aura around Anderson, he was happy, cradling an alcoholic beverage, and smiling. He mouthed the words "I'm proud of you'.

"_Well I'll be damned, the zombie returns!" The Admiral jokes, smiling widely, his hand wrapped around a cold looking glass._

_"Yeah." Was the only thing Shepard could say. He was happy it was over, but a little more than anxious. He needed to talk to someone... not someone, but her._

_"I know, I'm probably keeping you from a huge party, celebration, whatever." Anderson stood abruptly. Walking around the table and engulfing his protege in a warm hug._

_"I'm proud of you son." And with that Shepard wrapped his arms around Anderson, giving him a hug, like a son would a father. The tears couldn't help but form in both their eyes. Though they would probably tease each other if he saw the tears in the other's eyes_

Shepard felt himself grimace, the physical pain those two memories brought, was unrelenting.

Blam! Blam! A red flash. The tube almost decimated, almost

Then she flashed before his eyes. Shepard would be doing it all again. Dying on her and he knew it damn well. Shepard's step faltered for a second. She was in casual clothes, a red and black jacket covering her, a blank tank-top underneath, even in her civvies she was working. Assembling and cleaning a pistol. She turned and mouthed the words 'Skipper' A twinkle in her eyes and a smile dancing across her full lips. It was before their huge talk, a week or so before he died.

_"You didn't come in last night." Shepard said, frowning slightly. He and Ashley have certainly well past the awkward talks. Or so Shepard thought. Ashley slowly turned back to her work, and placed the pistol she was holding onto tightly down._

_"I know." Was all she said as she broke down the gun swiftly. Shepard inwardly groaned. Not past the awkward talks yet? He made it very clear that he wanted to be with her. Then again, there was a sliver of doubt, what if her career really does take over, what if she decides it's not worth it. And Shepard couldn't help but gulp. He leaned against her workbench, contemplating the things he could say. Instead a stupid one syllable word slipped out._

_"Oh." Shepard paused as he watched Ashley quickly clean each piece, and set it aside in a very fluid motion. Shepard had the urge to clasp his hands over hers forcing her to stop. He begrudgingly pushed it down._

_"Any reason as to why?" Shepard said using a stern authoritative voice. It seemed the only way to get through to her. Ashley looked up at him under a cocked eyebrow._

_"Any reason as to why you wanna know," there was a short pause before she added, "Sir?" Shepard stood straight up, and couldn't help but let his frown deepened._

_"Fine then. I should go." Shepard said, he couldn't help the disappointment that washed over him. Ash let him go with a murmur, that sounded oddly like a string of curses. Shepard pressed the corresponding button for his quarters and decided to bury himself in his work. He couldn't help but feel disappointed... Did she not want this? Did she... not even want it at all..._

_It was hours before he even looked up, he had many papers and reports to file. Now would be a good time to actually do them, he could let Pressly do them, but that would be rude, Pressly deserved time to himself. Shepard sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. The stress of the was intense he just stood up to stretch, when the door swished open, revealing a very worried Chief Williams._  
_She stepped forward her hands intertwined, and twiddling her thumbs, _

_"Shepard." She acknowledged, shuffling her feet closer to him. Shepard's voice caught in his throat along with his. Many questions danced in his mind. Ashley, had her hair in a loose bun most of her hair falling around her. Her hands were dirty from the old pistol parts she handled. She looked beyond any worry he'd ever seen._

_"Williams?" Shepard asked, he was trying to be polite but the urge to embrace her was strong. Ashley quickly closed the distance in a few strides and grabbed Shepard's face in her hands, pulling his lips to hers. The kiss was quick and rough, just a confirmation that this was really happening._

_"I'm..." Ashley starts, but is abruptly interrupted as Shepard presses gently into the small of her back, bringing her closer to him. This time Shepard leans down and kisses her gently, slowly confirming she wanted this. He gave her every chance to pull away, or push him. Nothing, if anything she fiercely kissed him back. Shepard pulled back, only because his body needed air. If he could live on Ashley's kisses, he certainly would. _

_"Stay?" He asks her, barely above a whisper as both of them heave for air. She smirks and pulls him to the bed._

_"You know it, Skipper."_  
_Shepard smiled but figured they should address one thing. _

_"Just a question." Shepard says, taking a step back. Ash frowns. "I mean... do you even, do you want to..." for Shepard to get tongue tied at a time like this was insane. His heart was beating and his palms a little sweaty. "You were pretty clipped on any answers when you were cleaning the guns." Shepard couldn't think of another way to word it. "I was thinking about, this," he gestures to the both of them. "I never even thought to ask. Are you sure you want this." he says expressing every word carefully. "I mean, it was 'spur of the moment' kinda thing, before Illos," Shepard sighed looking at Ashley .Her face was blank, and betrayed no emotion._

_"So now?" Ash starts, calmly. "Now, you question whether or not we should do this. Shepard! Honestly!" She throws her hands up, angry expelling from her pores. Her voice slowly raising at each word. "What the hell! You want to question us, end this! Go ahead!" She was interrupted by Shepard._

_"Hey! Don't say that!" Shepard scolded, grabbing her hands, "Its not that, I wanted to make sure you wanted this. I sure as hell do." Shepard said,_  
_Ashley visibly gulped, "Why would I lie to you about that. I wouldn't come up for a..." Ash couldn't even say 'one night stand' suddenly she felt foolish. _

_"Of course I had my doubts." she said. With that Shepard frowns and tries to pull away, but she squeezes his hands. "Then I realized it was stupid, and completely threw any worry out the window." Ashley said softly. Shepard smirked and leaned down for a kiss. Ashley returned it with a moan of pleasure, stifled by Shepard's mouth._

_Shepard pulls back and smiles a beautiful white smile, one that was never shown to anyone before. "Tell me more about your family, please."_

No sound, just a bright red light, a light that forced Shepard to close his eyes. The flash danced across his eye lids. As quickly as it came, it left, Leaving Shepard to his darkness.

It was her turn, Ashley's turn to step up and put his name on the KIA memorial wall. Her eyes roamed over the list, stopping when she found the name she was looking for, Kaidan Alenko. Tears stung her eyes, threatening to spill over. An empty threat as luck would have it. They should have went back for him! She wanted to damn all the orders, but deep down inside, she knew, she wouldn't have been able too. That was what killed her the most.

'Damnit, Ashley thought No tears, not in front of everyone no. Not even later.' She blinked quickly, turning her head to everyone around her. Garrus, Traynor, Vega, Tali, Liara, Joker. Even Javik came up from his hole to pay respects to Shepard. It turned out that something happened to all Synthetics, and EDI, she was gone. The look of pure sadness on Joker's face was evidence enough.

Ashley stepped closer to the wall, Shepard's name plate in her gloved hands. She moved her fingers around tracing his name. Commander John Shepard. Ashley thought back to all the good times they had, one particular memory stood out, it wasn't a very happy one, like after Illos, and before he died, it was actually quite depressing. It stood out the most though, passed all the good and into the bad.

_"Take her," Shepard grunted, handing Ashley off to Garrus. She was hurt, no doubt about that, maybe a broken leg, and burns and scrapes from the vehicle exploding. "You have to get out of here," Shepard finished, stepping down the Normandy's ramp._

_"With all due respect, sir." Ashley choked out. This wasn't happening, Shepard couldn't leave her, not now! Ash almost regrets saying how 'With all due respect, normally means kiss my ass.'_

_"Don't argue with me Ash," His blue eyes pleaded, begging her not to make it any harder. Well she did,_

_"Damn it," Ashley took a shaky breath feeling dizzy, wobbling on her feet. "I can do this!" She said. Garrus tried to tug her away, it didn't work out very well. She turned her head just enough to send Garrus a glare so dark, and evil, so venomous, even Garrus wasn't willing to push his luck._

_"I know you can," Shepard said softly stepping up the ramp. "No matter, what the outcome is today, know this, I'll always love you Ash," Shepard whispered, his thumb smearing some of the wet blood underneath her eye. It wasn't hers, probably someone from the vehicle, but it didn't make Shepard's look of concern any easier to bear._

_Damnit, there was so much left to be said, so much Ashley wished to make up for! Why couldn't he come with her on the Normandy, find another way! It wasn't completely impossible!_

_"Shepard, I..." Ash trailed off, her voice dying in her throat. Her words, the questions left unasked and unanswered, her uttermost spirit slowly dying. "I love you, too." She finished, raising her hand to cover his._  
_Shepard leaned forward suddenly, quickly capturing her lips in his. Not giving a damn who saw. The kiss was tender, sweet, filled with emotions both could not express with words. They both pulled back reluctantly. Garrus was looking the other way, giving the two as much privacy allowed on a battlefield. The other soldiers however, stood dumbstruck, well the ones that weren't firing anyways. _

_It made Ashley sick, knowing this may well be the last kiss they shared. The last time his lips captured hers, making her legs wobble and her heart beat faster and faster. 'Damn love, damn it all straight to hell.' Ashley couldn't help but think. Thankfully Garrus still supported her, her legs felt like a mush of useless junk, just kinda welded onto her body. Shepard though, stood tall and commanding, not like Ashley. Hell, Ashley could blame the wobbling and lack of her usual sarcastic remark, on the injuries. But the present was much too serious for anything like that. Shepard stood tall in his more than likely death sentence._

_Shepard whispered in Ashley's ear. "Find your family, be happy." One last peck on the lips and Shepard backed up heading back into battle. She was letting the first real love of her life go. Go off while she retreated and she hated every second of it. She held onto his hands as he walked backwards never blinking or turning from her eyes. Both eyes wet with unspilled tears._  
_Shepard finally broke eye contact and saw Harbinger. The red laser where it's eye would be, heating up. _

_"GO! NOW!" Shepard yelled as he stepped off the ramp. Glancing back as Ashley's gloved hand reached out. It visibly broke him, the slump of his shoulders and the worry lines on his forehead became more defined. The fact that she was so hurt, and still wanted to fight it made it impossible to look her in the eye. Shepard mumbled to himself. Expecting Ash not to hear, oh she did, and it made it 10 times harder to leave. Garrus literally dragged Ashley from the ramp and pulled her back into the Normandy._

She was brought back to reality, a place she didn't want to be, by the sounds of some people leaving, saying their goodbyes. Ash put the nameplate down, near the bottom, not sticking it up yet. She leaned it haphazardly against the wall. Walking to the elevator right behind her, and heading up to the Captains Quarters. Alone, something she wanted, and needed, but desperately feared, it would mean her emotions would be out in the open. To the room and the sheets, the smells of him, were all over that room. But she couldn't think of another place to go without being in the way. A part of her knew, she wasn't going to get any sleep for a long while, especially in a bed that she just shared with him. No, she could lay there for a long, long time, but no God or Goddess would bless her with a dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_** A/N So Merry Christmas, or if dont celebrate this holiday, then Happy Tuesday! This was suppossed to go up about 2 days ago but life got in the way. And you'll never guess what the Leading Guy got me... Go ahead guess!... It's a laptop! Soo this is my first update on a very new laptop... Expect my updates to be a bit more regular now... Btw, before I let you go, I reread the last chapter and practically facepalmed, I had some missing words, misspelled ones, ya know the works! So I'll be editing that shortly.**_

Shepard hurt, everywhere**.** Each breath he took was shallow and wheezy. He felt like he was suffocating. Again, like after he was spaced, on the original Normandy, he felt relief for a small moment.

A sound, it was muffled, but it was there. Was it his imagination? Was it a person? He prayed to some random God, it was. Shepard strained his ears, trying to pick up some sort of voice. Trying, but failing miserably, Shepard sighed inwardly. He was frustrated and hurting, the pain was causing his breath to hitch. Time to man up, Shepard thought. Nothing like escaping death, multiple times. He risked a glance down and noticed the blood. Oh so much blood, his arms were a charred mess and his legs, well he couldn't see them, they were buried under rubble. He couldn't move a muscle, literally.

He took a deep breathe, but not without excruciating pain. It tore through his body, ripped up into his throat and seemed to tingle all the way down to his toes. A major throbbing forced its way into his head. Shepard geared up and finally let loose his scream, he fought with all of his being, to stay conscience. It burned and ripped through him, like a saw, just slowly hacking away. Breaking every piece of his will. Was it even worth it? Did they even win? He fought, he couldn't give up now, what if the Crucible didn't fire! What would he do? Get back up and fight until he died of exhaustion, that's what! The voices started shouting orders, and he heard muffled here's and there's, the rocks were shuffling. In the end he lost and his world faded to black.  
_

Shepard awoke in a forest just as his dreams. Instead though, trees were blooming, the once black weeds were multi-colored flowers. This world was unknown to him. Instead, the people seemed happy, wait, people?! Where the hell was he?

A familiar voice, one he willed himself not to forget, called his name.

"John?" the voice was feminine, with the roughness of someone who saw a lot in her lifetime. The voice made Shepard's knees buckle. He turned to the source and tears filled his eyes.

"M-mom?" Shepard croaked.

This time a more masculine voice called him.

"D-D-Dad!" Shepard croaked once again. This time the tears fell. His thoughts went to Mindoir, when his parents were killed. "Jesus," he breathed, as he took in the sight of his parents, long since gone. They looked the same as the day they were killed.

_"Jonathan! GO! Now!" His mother yelled, reaching into the gun cabinet. He brown hair was up in a loose bun, falling around her face. The face, her face, had lines of worry and stress sketched into it permanently. _

_"Mom No! get Dad is in the barn! I won't leave until we go together!" John couldn't help but try. His parents, they were everything to John, and to leave them behind as this carnage took place, was horrible massacre. They heard about it from the neighbors, crying and shouting all about raiders and slavers. That got the Mrs. Shepard going, packing clothes, food, water, and way more._

_The gunfire and screams echoing on the back roads of Mindoir. Shepard's mom walked over to him and hugged him tightly. _

_"John, listen to me, I need you to go and run to the bunker. You know where it is, yes?" Shepard nodded, "Good, I promise you, your father and I will be there. I love you," She kissed his cheek in a motherly way. _

_Shepard nodded and gave her a smile. It was a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless._

_"But wait, what about.." Shepard trailed off as he looked into the eyes of his mother. _

_"Wait, here John," She said and handed him a pistol. "Just in case, you might run into trouble, You see one of those Batarians, don't think just shoot, just like when you and your father go hunting. Right?" _

_John interrupted his mother, "Mom, yes, I know how to shoot straight." Shepard tried to joke, it ended up being a weak attempt at lowering the tension that didnt work. It wasn't a time for jokes, but the look on his mother's face was worrying him. Maybe this was just a drill of some sort. Mrs. Shepard just smiled and pushed him out the door, putting his backpack on his shoulders._

_"I left something in the smaller pack... Open it when you're safe. Alright?" She said into his ear, fixing the pack so it fit his tall figure._  
_"Don't talk to anyone, just go to the bunker, we'll be there okay? Run and never look back," She said as she fixed his hair. As if he was 9 years old going off to school._

_If only he really knew what would happen. He would've stayed, died along with his family. _

_That was a lie, John was strong and smart for 16, the slavers would've taken him, put him to some sort of use. John slowly turned around to face his mother, leaning down and putting an ear to her stomach._

_"Don't worry, you, dad, and Janey will be fine." Shepard said with devotion. Rubbing her bulging stomach lightly._

As John snapped from his flashback daze, he realized his mom and dad were standing in front of him, their arms outstretched in a warm welcoming. He didn't hesitate, this time, he ran into their arms like a child would. He was deprived of this, a sense of family, and love from biological parents. The only way he got through the grief was investing himself in his career.

"Come with us, cross over now, and never look back." Mr. Shepard said. hugging his son tightly.

"I'm dead?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, this is the otherworld, as some would call it. A place for souls with unfinished business come and wait for loved ones."

"Why wasn't this here before, when I died the first time?" Shepard questioned. His mother spoke up next.

"Because Cerberus was rebuilding you. They kept you in a coma, you didn't die per se," The smile that his mother gave him, was motherly, and it made Shepard feel comfortable.

Shepard stepped back a little, facing his parents. He forgot what they looked like, having lost all the pictures on Elysium, his thoughts sent him to a darker place, his mood angry. But with one look at his parents, he smiled. He missed those moments, where he could smile at his parents, like a normal child would, or counld. John was not normal by any means. His mother didn't have the baby bump anymore, and John couldn't help but wonder.

"What happened to Janey?" Shepard whispered, and feeling like a child again his voice cracked. Deep down he was expecting the answer of 'She was happily born and lives among us without any suffering.' Of course _that_ would be easy. Instead his parents' next words made him worry.

"She was killed when we died, John. She was never born, she was too young, and instead, she was reincarnated as something beautiful." his mother said. Shepard felt himself tear up at that. He had an unborn sister die with his parents, and he didnt know exactly what happened. The pain he felt in his heart was immense.

"I lost the picture of us on Elysium. Can I take another?" Shepard asked sheepishly. Ashamed he would lose something so valuable to him.

"Of course! But we must warn you." Shepard's father started,

"To you it will look as you took it today, your present self, but to an onlooker, you will look like a 15 year old boy with his parents." Shepard's mother finished.

Shepard nodded. He understood, someone may pick it up and dismiss it, only he will know. Why did it matter anyways? He would be, wherever people go after death, so it was just for him to have for eternity right?

He took a quick holo. Smiling widely.

"Let's go shall we?" Mrs. Shepard said with a smile on her face.

"We shall." John said, smiling equally as bright, taking his mother's arm. Starting to walk towards the bright light.

_So there really is a light, how cliche_? Shepard thought

John stepped forward slowly, time seemed to slow, this was the right decision. At least he thought so. It was his turn for peace. After years of fighting he just yearned for time to sit and relax and smile. He couldn't wait to smile again.

"Shepard wait!" called a male voice.

Shepard turned his head, looking for the one that called him. His jaw hit the ground when he saw who it was.

"Kaidan?" Shepard asked, now fully turning. Jesus it was Kaidan! The best friend he let die, so he could be with Ash! Oh there was so much to say to him! "I'm so sorry about Virmire, I thought I had time to save both of you. Ashley had the most people, I figured that..." Shepard felt he had to explain himself.

Kaidan held up a hand, silencing Shepard.

"Shepard, honest, I understand. I'm just glad you stopped Saren in the end. And the Collectors, and the Reapers altogether. It was well worth it. Now, will you please stop feeling guilty, I forgive you."

"We stopped the Reapers?" Shepard asked, he tensed waiting for Kaidan's response.

"You and Anderson stopped them, Commander. Although, EDI, and the Geth, they were sacrficed. All synthetics are gone." Kaidan finished wearily, the line that formed his lips grew tighter.

Shepard let himself grieve a brief moment, thinking of EDI

"But," Kaidan continued. "You are only telling me half the truth about why you chose your decision. You loved her."

Shepard couldn't meet his friend's eyes. Kaidan's words gripped him in a cold vice grip. Kaidan stepped closer, with a blank expression on his face.

"I-I I guess so, yeah" Shepard glanced up, and shook his head. "I dunno why, I, I don't like big decisions like those were." Shepard finally made eye contact. "I really am, so, so, sorry."

Kaidan held on to his blank expression. Where'd he learn how to do that? He was usually so, well, open, is this what death does? Shepard asked himself.

"Shepard, I..." Kaidan sighed, and continued his words. "I was angry, at first, when I woke here. I felt you made a selfish decision."

Shepard winced at his words. It didn't make it any easier to listen too.

"But, now, I really do forgive you." Shepard looked up, honesty written across Kaidan's face.

"I... Thank you, Kaidan. I really am at a loss for words." Shepard held out his right hand and Kaidan shook it.

"I know, which makes this difficult to say." Shepard furrowed his brow. Ready to ask why, but his question was answered with Kaidan's next words.

"She needs you." Kaidan said simply.

Ashley! How could he want to die, without even thinking of the consequences on Ash's life! He did it once before and she said it devastated her! He felt guilt grip him, not relenting. He needed to go back if he could. He would go back! He glanced back at his parents, his face full of worry.

"Kaidan! I need to go back!" Shepard pleaded, turning back to face his friend.

"Don't you worry Commander, I wouldn't remind you if I didn't have a way for you to go back." Kaidan winked, and then continued "You should probably tell them." He said as he waved his arm in the general direction of Shepard's parents.

Shepard gulped, "Yeah, guess so huh?" Shepard glanced back at his parents. This just got a hell of a lot harder. _But, Ashley, or my parents. How am I supposed to choose, _Shepard thought.

"You're hesitating, here let me show you something. Just look down, and close your eyes. When I say so open them."

John looked at Kaidan, one eyebrow raised. But he obeyed, and closed his eyes, moving his head so when he opened them, he would be looking down.

Kaidan flicked his right wrist, making a circular motion with his left. The clouds, that would be the ground swirled and thinned little by little. Soon it was like looking at a vid, A bird's eye view of the captains quarters.

"Open," Shepard opened his eyes, to see a top-down view of his quarters. The image broke his heart.

Ashley was sitting on the made bed in the room. A picture in her hand. Not of her family, but of Shepard. He smiled despite himself, it was the picture he insisted they take together. His smile was wiped off his face as he noticed she was crying. Ash never cried in front of him, and now here he was, watching her without her permission. He felt dirty watching this.

"That's not all," Kaidan said, flicking his wrist again. Now it showed her sisters, and mother mourning the loss of a daughter not dead, but lost to the world. Her family tried to coax her to eat, to sleep, and to put the bottle of alcohol down. Nothing prevailed. Ash was just a shell of herself, she mumbled John's name in his sleep, cried when she woke up to find her love not there.

"When is this?" Shepard croaked.

"It's if you cross over with your family, it's what _will_ happen." Kaidan explained, giving Shepard a sympathetic look.

Shepard looked up into Kaidan's eyes, tears stung his own, and said "Reminds me how I felt after Horizon. She's so... broken" His voice cracked, with emotion, he pushed back.

Kaidan nodded, and swirled his left hand counter-clockwise, the clouds beneath them, became thicker. Closing off the heart wrenching moment. He decided, he needed to go back. It wasn't his time yet.

"Give us a minute," Shepard said, when Kaidan nodded, he walked slowly to his parents.

When he was close, he heard his mother say something.

"You're not coming are you?" His mother asked, as he stopped in front of her. She looked sad but understanding.

Shepard shook his head, then looked up with his own sad blue eyes, only to meet even sadder bluer eyes.

"I'm sorry, mom, dad." He looked at each when he said their titles to him. His mother was smiling sadly looking off, and down into the clouds where the vision of Ashley still played. His father wrapped a comforting hand around her shoulders and whispered something in her ear. Whatever he said, it snapped her out of whatever daze she was in.

"John, we are so proud of you, and your accomplishments. Even better, that you found someone to share your life with. She seems wonderful," Shepard's mom said softly.

"And, you know that, she loves you just as much as you love her. We may be dead up here, but not blind," His dad joked. "So please, don't do any victory sex until we crossover, son." At that Shepard blushed and cracked a small smile, his father had a very,_ different_, taste in humor, maybe that's where he got it. It normally ended with someone blushing. Some of the things he said would make Jack blush.

"We really are proud of you, John." His father said. Shepard just nodded, and glanced back at Kaidan.

Kaidan didn't hurry him along, he just smiled warmly, his brown eyes, glistening. It then hit Shepard, Kaidan didn't have closure with his own parents, after Virmire. Not like Shepard is getting now. That made it hurt even worse.

He turned back to his parents, his face suddenly serious.

"Mom, Dad, you see that man over there." They nodded, "Will you watch over him wherever you guys go, please. He was a great friend and paid the biggest price imaginable, I would appreciate it, if you would, act as parents to him." He paused taking a deep breath, "Knowing him, he won't accept right away, just be there for him. He didn't get closure, not really." Shepard said softly.

They didn't say anything, they just nodded and smiled. A silent agreement forming between the three.

"Well, this is it." Shepard said, he looked down, not knowing what to do.

"We'll watch over him, and you and her." His mother said with a smile

"We love you,"

"Thanks," Shepard said, moving into his mothers arms giving her a tight hug. He moved onto his father, "You too," John mumbled, as he shook his father's hand. His father frowned, and sighed.

"I'm your father, John, C'mere" He said as he grasped his son in a tight hug.

Shepard smiled as he pulled back. "I'll miss you guys, and I love you." He called as he took a step back at each word. Knowing he was making the right decision. They slowly stepped backwards, waving and hollering about love and all the good stuff, as they finally vanished a tear escaped Shepard's eyes, only to be wiped away by a sudden breeze that held no chill.

Shepard walked back to Kaidan, a huge smile on his face. Shepard finally got the closure he wanted and needed, despite the news about Jane, he felt he was a new man, reinvigorated and now had much more to live for.

"Just a thing before you head back Shepard," Kaidan said, stopping Shepard in his tracks.

"Yeah?" Shepard asked. go

"When you go back, you will be in pain you can't imagine. So immense, it'll be difficult to hang on." Kaidan said his tone deathly serious.

"Well, I died, again, I kinda figured-" Shepard started but Kaidan interrupted.  
"No, this pain is unimaginable! You have no idea! Its been months since you opened your eyes, or moved. They have machines keeping you from dying, when you wake up, you could go into shock. It's.. a messy process." Kaidan explained, frowning. "Do you understand?"

Shepard took a deep breath, if this didn't work, and he died, he would suffer terribly. But, he had to try. Commander John Shepard did not become who he was by giving up. If he didn't suffer, someone else would, in this case, someone very close to him. He had to do this, no, he was doing this. He just nods and gives a sad smile.


	3. Chapter 3

It took a few weeks. to get the Normandy up and running again, even more to get a route to Earth. Comms were down, even longer before Tali got her three -fingered hands on it. Tali, as good with technology as she was, was only able to set up a good signal for about two hours, Ashley let everyone contact their families first, then when it was her time she shot off a very quick four worded email to her family. The 'i'm okay, love you' she sent was definitely going to get a little scolding from her mother, but Ashley had more important emails to send. Like perhaps, Admiral Hackett. The response was almost instant, she sent word that the Normandy was just up and running, that they were en route to Earth, Comms were shitty and she wanted information on Shepard. She didn't expect an email back, but when the Comm beeped she immediately clicked and read the following.

_To Lt-Commander Ashley Williams, SSV Normandy SR2 (19:40 EST)_  
_From: Admiral Hackett, London, England, Earth. ( 19:58, EST)_

_The Reapers are down, all of them, bodies here in London are being cleared as we speak. It's not pretty, Lt-Commander. It's nasty, the crucible decimated city blocks for miles. The FOB is currently being moved farther into the city, hopefully to provide for some moral booster. _

_It's good to hear the Normandy is running and on our way as we write, we're going to need more help than you could imagine. Comms here are okay, steady and holding but not up to par. I'm going to make this short and sweet for you Williams. Shepard is holding together, barely. We have much to discuss in person._

_Admiral Hackett Alliance Fleet._

The rest was verification coding, but the part that caught her attention was that Shepard was barely holding on. It made her sigh and another weight seemed to balance on her shoulders. As if things could get any worse, Joker called her to the bridge, and all Ash wanted to do was sleep. She was dead tired, pooped, barely walking. She never understood how Shepard could put on such a convincing face, even when he got a good night's rest. Even if he was as tired as Ashley was, he found a way to make the crew and its members to feel... enthused.

That was the major difference between the two. Shepard was fit for leading, commanding, being the hero. Ashley felt as if she wasn't, she longed for the times of just being a grunt, sleeping in lumpy cots and reporting for shitty drills in the rain. She would trade almost anything to go back to a simpler time, where she followed orders instead of giving them.

She groaned as she stood, keeping one leg completely straight due to it being broken. Her right leg broken, her left arm in a sling, a nose with stitches in it, she must've looked terrible. Not to mention, she had a very hard time trying to shower in ice cold water, so she probably smelled terribly too.

She couldn't help but grimace when she looked at the damage. Just on the Normandy alone, hulls were barely holding together, the normally cheery atmosphere replaced with a tense, rather hostile one, and Ash couldn't help but cringe. Literally twenty minutes after Shepard was listed as MIA, the crew fell apart. Shepard was the glue, and without him, nothing worked. Garrus was obviously depressed, Traynor actually tried cheering him up only making him lash out at the poor specialist. Vega stayed in the shuttle bay alone, Cortez's death hit him hard. Even Ashley, and she was supposed to be the leader, couldn't help but lock herself away and not even give a second glance to the crew.

She knew she shouldn't, that she should take control, call a stop to the madness. But she couldn't, she felt herself not care, she felt herself just dismiss it with a wave. It seemed as if the only people that cared were Tali and Trayner, and even they were getting near the end of their rope.

Before she knew it, she was at the bridge still deep in thought

"Hey Ash, serious question here." Joker asks, turning his chair around to face Ashley.

"Yeah?" Ash starts, "Serious huh? Ask away." She also felt terrible, Joker had lost EDI and no one knew why. One minute she cracks a joke with Joker, the next, no response. It broke Joker, the helmsman, for he was in some sort of relationship with EDI.

"How'd you..." his voice cracked, "deal with Shepard dying," He said, putting a heavy hand to his face.

Ashley was taken aback by the question. "I-I, Uhm, Why are you asking?" Ashley settled on asking.

"'Cos I just lost EDI! God are you blind! EDI helped me, I miss her." he said, his voice cracking more often.

"Well, I mean," Ash started, deciding to be honest with her old friend. "I read poetry, laid in bed until the afternoon and avoided all contact with people." Ashley stated bluntly. The look of shock on Joker's face was priceless, making Ashley decide she should explain. "Then I realized that, maybe it wasn't exactly healthy, it's not good to go into depression like that. It affects the people around you too." She sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. "I strained my relationship with my family for months. I-I regret it, now. So, what i'm trying to say is, there isn't a set way to deal with the... loss, of a loved one. You just do, it's in our nature." Ashley finished heavily.

"Right, I guess you're right." He turned his chair around, "We have about three hours until we reach Earth, so uh, be ready." Joker said, moving his hands around and opening new tabs, closing old ones and looking like he was being productive.

"Joker," Ashley whispered, "for what it's worth, EDI was a perfect fit for you, and i'm sorry to see she's gone." Ashley turned and stepped away from Joker, sending him a wave over her shoulder.

"Yeah well, she didn't like you." Joker stated bluntly. Ash stopped mid-step.

"Wait a minute? EDI took over the body of the rouge computer thing that tried to kill me," Ashley felt her voice raise slightly and get a bit pitchy. She couldn't help but her hands moved with her words. "and I was okay with it after some time, but _she_ didn't like_ me?_" Ashley asked in a somewhat angry tone. Ashley wasn't angry, per se, just confused, and while she did feel like smashing Joker over the head with a fist or seven, she held it back. Fights were not going to help, or bring back loved ones. That was something Ashley learned the hard way.

"Well yeah," Joker stated, only turning his head, "You hurt Shepard pretty bad a on Horizon, she asked me some time ago why Shepard even forgave you, I told her I didn't have the answer," Joker shrugged, "Then she continued to state that she didn't like you, in that smart way of saying things, all intelligently."

Ashley was stunned to silence, and desperately wished she knew this before. She just bit her tongue and clenched her jaw mumbling that she'd be in the Captain's Quarters if anyone needed her.

She passed by all sorts of people, tall, short, fat, aliens, not aliens, for as they escaped Earth they picked up some distress signals, they all worked to try and get the Normandy up and running. She acknowledged them with nods and waves, but she never looked them in the eye. When Ashley made it to the elevator she tucked herself in the corner after pressing the button to the Captain's Quarters.

She made it to her quarters fairly quickly. She entered the bathroom after checking on the hamster Shepard had. The mirror revealed a very sickly looking Ashley Williams. Her eyes had bags under them, her face was sunken in from lack of sleep, and her worry lines on her foreheads became more defined. She hated this, she was once lively and joking, now that was replaced with the burden of leading. She scowled at her reflection and turned the water on. Even though there was no hot water, she still turned it on. Instead came frigid, ice cold water. Ashley cupped her hands and splashed the water on her face. When she looked back at herself in the mirror, she saw the same grim face, with only one change, it was wet.

Shepard inhaled deeply and let it out slowly, trying to get his emotions in check. Leaving his parents was going to be difficult, but he had to do this. He stepped closer to Kaidan whispering an 'I'm ready' to his biotic friend. Before yet another voice called him. He couldn't help the annoyed sigh that came from his throat.

"You are the great Commander Shepard?" A somewhat raspy voice questioned. Whoever it was, that person was someone Sheard felt he should know. When he turned the frown that flitted across was barely noticeable, until he realized who cares if he offends someone, he's going home.

"Substitute great with bastard and yeah, that's me." Shepard said, easing his frown off his face and rubbing his neck.

The man smirks and gives a laugh, moving to clap Shepard on his shoulder, but his hand slides right through.

"Never got used to that," The man scowles at his hand before raising his eyes to meet Shepard's. "You don't know who I am?" He asks, to which Shepard shook his head slowly. The man rubbed the small beard he had grown with a frail hand.

"Should I?" Shepard asked.

The man grunts, "Yeah, you should. Ashley said I'd like you," the man trails off with an arched brow.

"Holy-" Shepard whispers, "I um, sorry sir, You are Mr. Williams, I feel like an idiot." Shepard said rubbing his temples slowly.

"It's alright to feel stupid, just don't go and do anything." Mr. Williams said.

"Ah, Y-yeah." Shepard suddenly stood straighter, his eyes wide with awareness, this was the father of his lover. He did desperately want some sort of 'yeah you can date my daughter' kinda thing. I mean he had relationships, things that got serious, and he asked permission like a gentleman, but this, this was something else.

"No need to stutter, you are the Saviour of The Citadel, all that stuff i'm too lazy to reiterate."

"I didn't save the Citadel, innocents died and it was partially demolished." Shepard said.

"Close enough is good enough right?" Mr. Williams said with a smile on his face. His face, as wrinkled as it was, seemed carefree and happy.

"Not in all circumstances, sir." Shepard said with a bite to his words. He knew that close enough wasn't good enough for a lot of things in life, like love, or even making mass relay jumps, if you're off just a tad, well you'll spend times drifting stars with a hole in your heart, for both.

"Yeah well," the man grunts, looks up and sighs. "I aint got much time, I already asked for too many extensions, but, My Ash loves you damnit. Sadly I don't want her to love anybody but her family, though i'm not that naive." the man states bitterly. Then his tone softens, "I just want her happy. Ya' know, when she came and read poetry to my grave while you were gone, it wasn't very... heartfelt. She didn't enjoy it, it reminded her of reading it at your grave or something."

"Wait, she read poetry to my grave?" Shepard said astonished.

"Something like that, or your casket, I dunno." Shepard blew out a breath of hot air, realization hitting him. _'I was dead,'_

"Anyways!" The Williams man exclaimed to get Shepard's attention. "Anyways, she's my daughter, as her father I get final say over important things."

Then a dumb idea broke the surface of Shepard's mind. He thought back to the time his parents told him of the time his father proposed.

"Listen, I mean no disrespect, sir." Shepard said interupting the older man with palms out. "I do love Ashley with everything I could, every fiber of my being. Now that the threat of the Reapers is gone, I would like permission, sir." Shepard said, taking a deep breath while the other man stood tall with a frown on his face. "I would like permission to marry your daughter."

"What!" Williams hollered.

"I uh," Shepard breathed in deeply, he could solve this with words. If he could talk Wrex into destroying the cure for the Genophage first time 'round he could talk down a very pissed looking Williams... he hoped.

"You want to marry my Ashley?"

"Yes, sir, maybe not right away, down the line when all this is said and over, when we could lead normal lives without trouble from the brass, down the line." Shepard continued "I was thinking, I might as well ask now, I know where I want Ashley to be in my life. I am absolutely, one thousand percent sure I want her to be my wife." Shepard said with the Commander gleam in his eye, and his chest puffed out.

"Well..." Williams was silent for a long while, his hand on the growing gray stubble. "It's not my place to say no. My wife should be the one you should ask, outta respect. But if it was up to me," The man waited for a nod from Shepard. When he received it he continued, "Then yes, I would proudly give my blessing." With a smile, the old man clapped his hands together.

"Thank you!" Shepard said, a wide grin plastered on his face.

"Just treat her right, she deserves it." Mr. Williams said, holding out a hand. Shepard moves to grasp it but he pulls back. "You can't actually shake my hand, it's uh, it'll pass through." Williams, smiled sadly and just barely touched Shepard, moving in a shaking motion. "One last thing though," he said, as he stepped back. "Don't get her pregnant, at least not yet."

"I uh, wow," Shepard felt his cheeks redden, and his eyes bulge slightly, first his father and now this. He could only take so much embarrassment.

"Well then, I was kidding, sort of there is something though I want you to do, seriously." Williams said with a slight smirk.

"Anything," Shepard responded immediately. He got what he wanted, he wanted someway to pay this man back.

"I have a poem, I uh, wrote for my daughters. Ashley is the one you have to worry about though," He smirks and suddenly, the calm man that stood before Shepard moments ago vanished and was replaced by a nervous, worried statue of himself. Shepard stood, hands behind his back, at attention and listened intently as the man recited the poem.

**A/N Sooo Im making a habit of being late on my expected updates. Leading Guy in my life came down with the flu, so I get the pleasure of caring for him... I feel bad for him, but he's really cutting into my writing. ANYWHO, thanks for the reviews guys, I read all of them and they made me smile like a fool at work. :) I proofread this one... kinda, towards the end I just didnt have the time, so sorry for any mistakes .**


	4. Chapter 4

"You have quite the reason to go back John," Kaidan said. The use of Shepard's name gave him pause.

"Yeah, I guess so," Shepard takes one glance back, Mr. Williams was talking with his father, his mother sent him a wave. He turned back to Kaidan, "Let's do this." Kaidan's mouth tugs into a tight line and he just nods.

The poem that Mr. Williams gave to Shepard ran through his mind. Shepard felt nervous, he had to get back and ASAP.

"Gotcha," Kaidan shook his head, cracked his knuckles and got to work.

"London, is just fifteen minutes out LC," Joker calls over the Comms. Ashley winced, the headache medicine Chakwas gave her still tasted horribly, even though she took it hours ago.

"Gotcha," Ash's voice was hoarse, and she'd barely recognize it. Then in a split second she jerked back to her normal self and stood unsteadily.

"Hey! Ashley," Chakwas cringed as Ashley stood, the thought of those kind of fractures and breaks, it churned her stomach. "Be careful," She said gesturing to the crutches that were discarded at the door.

"Right, 'cuz if I fall I'll just break my other leg." Ashley said rolling her eyes but picking up her crutches. The Lieutenant-Commander knew that Chakwas meant well, and that she should_ heed her warnings_. Besides the crutches were good to threaten people with.

She pushed passed all the people in the lower level, mumbling that she was a 'Spectre and to make way' almost constantly. She lead the small group that joined her ground side Even though her crutches stopped her from moving as quickly as she liked, she still left Joker in the dust, even with some of his advancements from Cerberus.

Ashley felt her pace quicken at the thought of Shepard laying alone in the hospital bed, calling for anyone to help him. That gave her a new sense, and she shoved one crutch into a poor pedestrian's arms. Pushing forward much more quickly without the swinging of both the over-rated sticks.

She made way to the front desk and groaned as she saw the line. These people were grieving for their family and friends, who was she to barge in and wreck that... But then again, Shepard did just save the whole universe, twice, so Ashley gave herself some room to wiggle.

"Sorry, 'scuse me," She said pushing and edging people away with her crutch. She heard people call her some very colorful words, in which some crew members stopped to defend her, she didn't notice much more and kept moving.

The receptionist was way over her head and it was blatantly obvious. The papers to her right towered and seemed to teeter with every passing wind. To her left, the terminal she was working at seemed to be running off of snail power. The poor Asian woman looked so frustrated, as any person would be, and when she saw Ashley and the rest of the herd push to the front, she wanted to rip her brown hair from her head and scream. She was on the verge of losing what little marbles she had left.

"CommanderShepard'sRoomPlease." Ashley said in one breathe. Which was fairly surprising given that she was heaving from the bumpy ride she just had.

"I'm sorry?" the receptionist said. She was being nice, at least for now. Ashley sighed and rubbed her one good hand down her face.

"Commander Shepard's room..." She paused, "John Shepard's room, please." this time Ashley took a long pull of air before talking, and she said it slowly... As if the girl in front of her was incompetent. The woman before Ashley scowled,

"Sorry, only people with top level clearance get's into the Commander's room, and you don't seem to have any at all." The woman said smugly, smirking to herself.

Ash responded with a glare and slammed her fist on the desk, the Asian woman jumped back and put a hand over her heart.

"We are Commander Shepard's crew, that's clearance enough, where the_ hell_is his room." Ashley said, her voice taking a low, growl, threatening the only person between her and John. Her statement was backed up with many 'Hell yeahs' and nods from the crew.

"I don't care if you're Admiral Hackett," The woman leans real close to Ashley's face. To which Ashley responds with a fist closing tightly around a crutch, the woman continued oblivious to the anger being stirred in the dangerous marine. "You can't prove anything." Ashley gritted her teeth and resisted slamming her fist into something other than the desk.

"Just tell me where John's room is!" Ashley yelled, the sudden escalation in her voice startled even the crew. Ashley never yelled in front of the other crew members but Shepard, Garrus, Tali, and Liara. According to the rest she was the funny, collected, laid back marine on the ground team. She never yelled with so much anger, or shook as much as she did, then today.

"Now, I can't do that. Nex-" The receptionist was cut off by a gravely voice, one Ashley recognized as Admiral Hackett. Ash sent a look to the crew who seemed just as infuriated at she was, before saluting with her good arm.

"Sir, I didn't expect to see you so soon." Ashley said, holding the Admiral's eye contact.

"At ease, Lieutenant-Commander Williams. What is it that you wish of this poor woman."

Ash scoffed at the idea of this woman being poor, in any sense. If she learned anything from Shepard it was, when speaking to a higher up best to be on your toes, and '_not piss them off... much.'_

"We wish to see the Commander, sir. As his crew I think we have a-" Ashley was going to go on a big speech before the Admiral lifted a hand and cut her off.

"Granted. They are to enter and visit under my authority at any time. Ms. Choice lead the way."

Ashley sent over a look that said 'I won,' along with a glare that the receptionist so hastily returned.

"Right this way," She said, stepping from the desk and moving to hidden stairs no one saw upon entrance. Ashley groaned when she saw the stairs, she was hoping for an elevator, it'd make it easier to climb. She kept silent mostly upon stepping up and advancing through a long staircase, filled with stairs. '_When with broken legs, or just one, stairs and gravity are your worst enemy_' Ashley thought.

Just when Ashley felt as if she was going to pass out from the exhaustion Ms. Choice turned and said to the following herd. "Down this hallway, to the right, third door." Then she walked off to amongst more important duties. Hackett who walked behind everyone observed the crew.

"Alright guys, I think we should limit how many people go in there at a time." Ashley said, though she hated to admit it.

"I think Ash deserves to go first, and alone." Tali piped up with a nod from Garrus and Joker. Ashley sent a grateful smile to her Quarian friend. Along with hopeful glances to the rest, who nodded as her eyes landed on them in turn. Ashley was not an emotional person, but that right there made her proud to be on the Normandy, they weren't just crew members, they were a family, dysfunctional at best, and at worst, she chose not to think about, but a family.

They moved down the hall more, to Shepard's door and Ashley let out a sigh. She reached slowly for the sensors to pick her up, only to be interrupted by Hackett. She mentally sighed and wanted to give herself a hearty facepalm. She turned to the admiral and raises a brow,

"Williams, like I said, we have much to discuss, in person. Now would be the time. I'd let the others go first." While Ashley before wanted to tear up a bit, now she wanted to bang her head against a wall. This close, and now she can't see John at all?! This was killing her.

"Yes, sir." She said glancing back at the door sadly, before waving the others to go before her.

"Walk with me." Hackett said gesturing for Ashley to follow him.

"Permission to speak freely, sir." Ashley asked.

"Speak your mind Williams." Ashley follows as he turns a corner at the end of the hallway and calls an elevator.

"Sir, I would prefer to-" She gestures over her shoulder with a thumb back from where they had just come.

"This is important Williams. More important than your want to see the Commander." Hackett said, immediately shutting Ash up to mull over what he said.

"How important?" Ashley questioned.

"Life and death for some, Williams." Hackett said, stepping into an elevator that doors' just opened. He allows for Ashley to step in and places his hands behind his back. Ashley sighs and hobbles in, one crutch under her arm. The Lt-Commander believes that Hackett presses a button for a floor, instead he presses the big red emergency one.

"This never leaves this elevator, you hear me?" Hackett said, deadly serious.

"Of course, sir, if you wish." she says, standing straighter with the delivery of the news.

"I do." Hackett pauses, "Shepard is in..." He struggles to find the right word. "not doing so well, he is barely there. It is so different than anything anyone has ever seen before. His cybernetics are so complex, no one knows where to start." Hackett explained, slowly standing at ease as he progressed. Ashley stayed silent.

"I do not know how we can do this. His brain activity it through the roof! It's incredible!" Hackett said with awe in his voice.

"That's good isn't it? Brain activity is good!" Ashley said, grasping to what little hope she had.

"Not in this case it's not. Williams... I don't think he'll make it."

"What! Of course he will! He has too!" Ashley yelled, turning to face Hackett with an angry frown. Hackett holds up a hand.

"Let me rephrase that. Commander Shepard is _not going to make it._We're pulling the plug soon. Today actually." Hackett says slowly. Ashley felt the weight cave in on her and she leans against the wall of the elevator. Hackett turns and flips another switch, effectively turning the elevator on. Ashley puts her one good hand to her face to stop the tears. Her voice is hoarse as she talks.

"Why are you telling me this and not the crew?" Ashley couldn't look the man in the eye, instead she stares at the deformed reflection of herself in the steel of the box she was in. It felt like a prison.

"Because you and Shepard have something, I felt you should be the first to know, and not given false hope." Hackett sighs.

"We don't have anything!" Ashley snaps, before muttering in her head_ 'not for much longer.'_which made her tear up more.

"I know what it's like to be in love, and that's it! I had to make the call, Shepard is one man, he is paying the ultimate price so others can live and flourish. You should be proud." At that the elevator pinged and Hackett stepped out, leaving Ashley to finagle her way to the ground.

"On a personal level, Lieutenant-Commander, I am very sorry for your loss, Shepard was a great man." to which the door closed and Hackett couldn't help but hear the thump of a defeated woman fall to the ground, that came from behind the doors. It made him feel like a monster.

Ashley rode the elevator all the way to the basement and all the way back up, several times. She ran through all the possibilities, the what ifs no one seemed to care about. She stopped crying about ten minutes ago, though it wasn't _crying,_ just tears rolling silently down her face, weeping seemed to be a better word. She finally decided that staying in the elevator was definitely not helping, and stood very carefully. Her back hurt, her eyes burned and her legs were stiff, needless to say she had trouble walking.

This wasn't fair! Shepard was the damn hero of the universe, destroyed the Reapers at the ultimate cost! Why the hell would they just unplug him, it didn't seem right. '_Shepard deserves better! C'mon, who'da thunk it that Shepard would die in a hospital room instead of on the battlefield, or happily in a bed. He was in an unbreakable coma. '_

_'I'm a fool,_' Ashley thought to herself, through a heavy haze of emotions. She sighed and stopped at another elevator, pressing the button to take her back to Shepard's floor. She heard muffled voices from the other side of the doors and backed up respectfully. She didn't want people to question her, so she found a nice corner to creepily hide in.

"Honest Mom! She's fine! Nothing happened, she sent word!" A young, reddish haired woman said, seemingly pleading with another woman.

"Four words Sarah! Four words and not heard from her since? I'm sorry but I'm a bit fucking worried!"

"Mom! Language please!"

Ashley stood in the corner dazed, there stood the people most important to her, her mother and sister, arguing over her. She wanted to move but watched helplessly as they marched on down the corridor. Ashley was really on a cowardly streak. She rubbed her eyes hopefully magically vanishing the obvious signs of crying, and hobbled off after her family.

"It's not that! It's the fact that she did contact me, I just want all my daughters safe and sound."

"We all will mom, there's no need to worry." Sarah said as she placed a hand her mother's shoulder.

"Mom... Sarah!" Ashley cried when she was close enough. Once again her voice was hoarse with fresh tears.

"Ash!" Sarah called twirling around so that the few loose strands danced across her face. Their mother turned faster and started running towards her oldest daughter. Mrs. Williams was one for hugs, and it showed, she flung her arms around Ashley's neck in a vice grip.  
"Ouw!" Ashley yelped as her arm was crushed, and her mother bumped heads with her. "Ow, mom, injuries!" Ashley reminded.

"Oh, yeah," Mrs. Williams said pulling back wiping furiously at tears that flooded her eyes. "God, your leg, and arm... and your nose! Christ Ashley!" She sobbed out gesturing to each body part in turn Sarah walked over much more calmly and smiled.

"Told you she was fine."

"Yeah well a mother worries, you'll know when you become a mother." She said dismissively The two bickered back and forth and it brought a grin to Ashley's face. It was a long time since she saw her mother and sisters. Speaking of which...

"Where's Abby and, Lynn?" Sarah and their mother glanced at each other.

"Abby fell down some unstable stairs and broke her leg Lynn was helping her to a room." Sarah explained,

"We were just heading there now." Her mother added, "C'mon join us, we've all missed you much." Then a ping sounded and Mrs. Williams cursed under her breath. "Sorry gotta run, Lynn needs some relief." She hugged Ashley this time much softer and headed off in the opposite direction.

"You coming?" Sarah asked. Sparking yet another thought, Ashley averted her sister's eyes.

"No, I have things to arrange." She said vaguely.

"Well then, wipe those tears from your eyes before you go." Sarah said casually.

"What?" Ashley said amazed, she rubbed at her eyes. "How would you know I was crying?" She asked her younger sister.

"Your eyes are red." Sarah was silent a moment, "Now over _what_ is harder to figure out." She said tapping her chin.

"Damn you for being too wise for your own good." Ashley mumbled. Should she tell her sister? They were close, but were they that close? Ashley groaned and raised her good arm to rub her eyes. This was her sister, Sarah, they were talking about! Of course they were close enough to share information.

"The Commander is... in bad shape."

"Oh, i'm sure he'll be fine Ash, he has you as a... hmm, what are you? Girlfriend, lover? This is actually difficult." Sarah said, rambling to herself. Ash felt her anger rise. How could she shrug it off that easily? Her ignorance pissed Ashley off.

"No Sarah! He's not gonna be fine!" Ashley said, her voice raising just a bit with each word.

"I'm sure, he will, Ashley." Sarah replied, giving her sister a glare, "Be optimistic, Ash,"

"He's not, going to be fine! Sarah, you don't understand."

"Fine." Sarah growled. "Don't act like I have no idea what you're going through."

"You don't! Shepard and me, we're not supposed to be together, but we are. I lost him once, and now I'm losing him again, forever." Ashley yelled "You and Thomas has something else, he was able to kiss you or hug you whenever he was in your presence." Ashley felt her frustration spike, everything she ever felt about the relationship she had spilled. "You have not a damnedest clue as to what is happening to me." Ashley pointed an accusing finger at her sister's chest.

"Watch where you point that finger," Sarah growled, "A Reaper might take it." Sarah snarled. Ashley oh so wanted to ignore the ping that came from her arm, or the glow of her Omni-Tool, and explain just _how much_ Sarah understood. But she couldn't, and she checked the message.

_Waiting on you._  
_Hackett_

Ashley frowned, '_just me right? I'm the last one.. wonderful._' Sarah held her breath, when Ashley looked away she glanced at the message. Sarah's heart broke a bit for her older sister, putting two and two together inferring what it meant. She didn't want to fight, she wanted her sister to be happy, but Sarah guessed she made it worse.

Ashley let out a shaky breath before turning on her heel, without a second glance to Sarah, striding straight to the elevator, and stepped inside as the doors opened. She didn't even look at her sister as slammed her hand onto the button she needed. Ashley waited until she heard doors closed with a hiss before turning around. She barely noticed her leg pain flaring, the walk did not help it heal, probably made it worse. She raised a hand to her face and let out a scream of frustration, of anger, before she let out another shaky breath.

She found her way to Shepard's room without much thought. She saw the crew smiling and laughing. She felt like the outsider, the evil witch, she couldn't even join if she wanted to. Ashley glanced at the door, she didn't want to go in, just hold out a few seconds before she walked in. She needed to compose herself. Before she could though, a three fingered hand rested upon her shoulder.

"Hey," a soft accented voice with a synthesized quality rang out.

"Hey," Ashley replied, staring at the door. "One question, how bad is it? Is he?" Ashley corrected.

"Not good, I won't lie. But, he'll get better. It's Shepard, he always gets better." Tali said.

That jogged Ashley's memory, she still hadn't told anyone about what Hackett_ told_ her.

"Hey, will you grab the crew and meet me in the lobby over there," Ashley said, nodding her head to the lobby where most of the crew were already. "I have some news."

Tali squeezed Ashley's shoulder before replying with a soft 'of course'

Ashley sighed, yet again, she has been sighing a lot lately. Of course, Ashley knew that there would be fallout for what she was about to tell the crew, but she had to do it.

She walked to the lobby after using a few minutes to compose herself.

"Hey Ash, you see Shepard yet? I told him you were coming soon." Joker said softly, he sidled himself beside her.

"No, but," Ashley cleared her throat, and raised her voice. "Everyone I have news, that I should've told you sooner. When Hackett whisked me away, he did it so he should tell me something. You have all been to see Shepard?" She paused and waited for the ground team to nod, "Well, the truth is, they're pulling the plug on him tonight. I-I, am going in there now, and when I leave, He'll be, dead." She barely croaked out the last words.

**A/N Cliffhanger spectacular! YAY... You know, Reviews and favorites just might make me upload faster. And Apologizes, Ashley's sisters are not something really talked about in the game, or her mother really. :( (They should be if you_ romanced _her) But Alas, I took some artistic license on that. Too-De-Loooooo, :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Joker who was still next to Ash, took a deep, shuddering breath in. Ash couldn't help but cringe when the crew voiced their opinions, individually.

"The Commander's a hero and they just pull the damn plug on 'im? What in the hell?!" Vega yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

"Those people can really do that?" Tali questioned. Ashley nodded solemnly

"Pull the plug on Shepard? Of all the people," Garrus trailed off, stepping away from the group. He took some time to rub his face with his talons before returning to the group. It was his best friend they were talking about. There was no Shepard without Vakarian, and there wasnt a Vakarian without Shepard!

Javik leans over to Liara, asking in his deep voice, "They kill heroes in this cycle?" Liara responded with a wave of her hand and a 'shh' Javik muttered how the crew should throw the Commander's murders out the airlock, to which Garrus' mandibles twitched in agreement.

Joker who stood quietly the whole time finally spoke up.

"EDI," he slowly choked out, "and the Geth didn't die, the Reapers didn't just die, the Reapers killed, decimated," Joker pauses rephasing his next line. "every fifty-thousand years, and Shepard stopped them! And they want to pull the plug on him? This is a damn outrage!" Joker said slamming fist into his hand, hard. The sound of a bone popping out of place sounded throughout the small herd.

"Joker!" Traynor squealed.

"Listen to me, Joker," Ashley whispered. "I don't like it either!" she snapped and continue quickly due to a look on Joker's face saying he wasn't done. She stepped forward to place a hand on his broken one, and released a dose of Medi-Gel from her glowing Omni-Tool. "But don't you think the poor man deserves some peace. He accomplished so much," And no matter how bad she knew sounded, she had to say it. It barely came out audible.

"You of all people should be against this, Ash!" Joker said, obviously confused. "You should understand!"

"I understand fine," Ashley stated. "I never said I was for this Joker. I've dealt with his passing before, I can do it again." Ashley let that sink in before finally ending the conversation. "I should go before they decide to get on with it."

Ash started walking away and toward Shepard's room. When she turned the corner and was out of sight of the others, she slouched and put her head in her hands. That had to be the worst thing she had ever said, but she had to say it. If Joker was upset, and Ashley knew no reason why, she should be twenty times worse. Though she had to put up a leader facade, and she hope she did it well.

The door was locked when she worked up the nerve to actually go. She shook as she opened the door with her mere presence. When she walked in Hackett stood over Shepard looking somber.

"I was hoping you had come in already." Hackett said, breaking the awkward silence. Ashley glanced at Shepard who was motionless, he wasnt even breathing without the machine's help, his hands resting on his chest that was barely moving.

"I figure I'd tell the crew first." Ashley said tearing her eyes away from Shepard's body, and focusing on Hackett.

"How'd they take it?" Hackett asked.

"Not good. Joker was the worst." Ashley said remembering the sound of his fist hitting his hand, surprised that he didn't flinch when the sound of a cracking bone rang clear.

"I see," was Hackett's responded, patting Shepard's arm carefully. There was a long silence before Hackett took a step in Ash's direction. "I'm sorry it had to be this way. Though I'll give you some time alone." Hackett said stepping around Ashley.

She waited until she heard the door close and the lock engage before she let her tears fall. It was silent, the only sound in the room was the methodic beeping of the machines. If they didn't beep on time it'd mean that the patient hooked up to them was dead. Ashley didn't like that. She spent a few minutes making sure the machines were secure in the sockets.

Ashley pulled a chair up to Shepard's bedside slowly feeling for a pulse on his wrist. It was extremely faint, a dying light bulb compared to a cluster of stars.

There wasn't much that she could say. In the vids it seemed so easy to talk to someone that was dead, or in this case, dying. That was the opposite, especially for Ashley. The silence was unnerving, broken only by soft beeps from the machines she was so worried about earlier.

She took Shepard's hand, it was cold, as if he was already dead.

"No." She breathed, "God, Shepard, the power you hold over me." She smiled sadly at his face. The stubble he always shaved was coming in, his hair was growing out. Ashley wasn't sure she liked it all that much.

"Damn love, too." Ashley bit her lip, hesitant to continue. Instead she resolved to staring at Shepard's face, memorizing every line, and every bump._ 'Is this really how I want to remember him by? In the hospital bed dying? Having machines keep him alive? No. I don't'_ Ashley thought.

The chair was uncomfortable and it creaked with every move she made. She sat here for about a half hour, still trying to wrap her head around everything. She fought with herself tooth and nail but fatigue was taking over. She had to finally say goodbye, to let go. But that was way easier said than done.

"When I heard that they found you, I was relieved, then Hackett told me things weren't good. I never realized how bad they were." Ashley squeezed his hand, the absences of his thumb rubbing slow circles against the back of her hand made more tears roll from her eyes. Ashley's chest physically hurt, it clenched tight and her stomach churned. She was really saying her farewell.

Ashley let out a breath and with it her resolve. She crumbled as she murmured her last sentences.

"You made me happy John. No one will ever be able to make me feel that way. You're a damn hero." She paused, took a shaky breath and continued. She brought his hand to her lips, and placed a gentle kiss on his palm. "I love you." There was no response, no different breathing, the machines still beeped on time, nothing. Her intimate gesture was answered by silence.

Ashley Williams stood, with one last breath her heart broke, her chest clenched tighter, her life shattered, and she started to walk to the door.

Shepard's eyes were closed, a light tingling sensation came over him. The light tingling sensation turning into a slight burning one, and escalated until it was excruciating pain. He heard machines beeping, but they got louder and louder, he was aware of his hand being lifted and then set down carefully. Most of his thoughts raced through his hazy mind. He then vaguely heard a voice. Ashley's voice!

It was loud but muffled, it was difficult to grasp. She said a few words and then stood.

Then the machines started beeping at a more intense rate. Instead of the beep with a quiet lull, it was a very high whine of beeps. Shepard couldn't take the burning in his chest and yelped, but he yelped one person's name. As hoarse as he was, it came out clear as day.

"Ashley!"

"Ashley!" She heard from behind her. Ashley practically gave herself whiplash. She stopped to look at the machines that were beeping loudly before his voice sounded. She couldn't even compare the sudden joy she felt when he yelled her name. Then intense fear, for those machines were beeping too fast to be healthy. There Shepard was, groping around in the darkness. Wide-eyed she didn't even question it, and tripped over her own feet trying to reach Shepard.

"Shepard! Jesus Christ!" She grabbed his hand that flailed in the air. "Relax, it's okay!" While Ash tried to follow her own advice, but her own heart was racing, she was truly panicking. She didnt panic when Dr. Eva slammed her into the side of a decimated shuttle, she was calm totally relaxed. Even on Virmire, she didnt panic, she was calm and tried to grasp the 'out-of-her-hand' situation. For the first time in a long while, she was truly panicked.

"Ahhhhrggggggg." The noises Shepard was making were not reassuring. Then common sense kicked in and she scurried to the door. She unlocked and opened it, sticking her head out.

"Hello! Help! Doctors! Anyone, Shepard's up!" Ash frowned when there was no response. Now Shepard was convulsing. It doesn't take a genius to know that isn't a good thing. She was by his side almost immediately, searching everywhere for some sort of device to call a nurse. When she found what she was looking for she slammed her free hand on it, the one that just so happened to not be in a sling.

That got the fire lit under their asses, soon Ashley heard dozens of footsteps thundering down the hall and into the room. She barely had time to get out the 'He's awake!' before two doctors started pushing her out. Two more worked the machines and started pushing needles into Shepard's arm and taking his pulse.

"No! I'm staying!" Ashley struggled.

"It's not safe for the commander," was the only response Ash got, before a hand clasped around her midsection and dragged her from the room. Now that pissed her off. She knew it wasn't going to happen, staying with Shepard, but it was worth a shot. And the hand sorta lingered, to which she grabbed the wrist of the poor person and twisted it, applying just a little bit of force.

"Eh! Watch the arm!" A slight hispanic voice whined.

"Now's not the time, Vega." Ashley snapped, running a hand through her hair to try and fix it, then rubbing her eyes.

"He's awake?" Vega asked,

"Guess so." Ashley paused, biting her lip, this was something she had to tell the crew. "Get the crew together in the lobby, there are some things we need to discuss."

Ashley Madeline Williams was never one to pace, but right now how could she stand still? Vega sat in one of the uncomfortable looking chairs typing messages away on his Omni-Tool. Surprisingly Joker came first.

"What the hell is going on, Williams?" He asked. Ash raised an eyebrow at that. _'Williams? He called me Williams instead of Ash, or Ashley?'_

"I'm waiting on the rest of the crew,_ Joker._" Ashley said stressing his name.

It only took a matter of minute before everyone that held some sort of position of importance on the Normandy was standing in the same lobby as before. Ash was uneasy, how would they take the news? How on Earth would she get through it before breaking down? Ashley opened her mouth to say something, but paused, what was she going to say? _'Oh hey yeah Shepard's awake, yay! But the doctors pushed me from the room so we're waiting on news.'_

Thinking about it, yeah that would work. If you beat around the bush you just might squash the berries.

"Well get on with it, we're waiting." Joker said.

"Well, you all know that they're pulling the plug on Shepard, correct?" Ashley said, slowly drawing the sentence.

Joker scoffed, "You're mighty calm 'bout this, for someone _so_ special to Shepard." Ashley flinched at the venom in his tone. It was obvious that he was more than upset. Pissed would be the better word.

"Yes well-" Ashley was interrupted by Joker.

"Listen we all know that you're a heartless person, but some of us are trying to mourn the loss of Shepard." he snapped. A collective gasp sounded through the lobby. This was definetly _very_ unlike Joker, who normally was the wise-cracking pilot.

Ashley's hands curled into fists and half her lip turned up in a snarl. "Heartless?" She asked. Joker gave a reaffirming headshake, "I'm heartless? That's funny, you won't let me tell the crew the good news." Ashley forces herself to stay calm and looks up at everyone, other than Joker. The crew stood shocked at the outburst and insults flying from Joker's mouth.

"Shepard's alive, they are not pulling the plug!" Ashley said, she gave a wicked dirty look to Joker, and lets the news sink in.

"Keelah! That's great Ash!" Tali says a smile evident in her voice. Garrus grunts his approval as well. Liara smiles and glances at Javik, who stood expressionless but the small tug at his lips.

_'Heartless?'_ Ashley thought still hurting from the insult. _'Im not heartless. Am I? I mean no right? The fact that Joker said that, someone I called a friend, said that_.' Joker was still shocked, his jaw was hanging open and his eyes were wide with surprise. Ashley turned on her heel and started walking away. Because if she didn't, Joker would end up with a few broken bones, easy.

She queued up a message to Hackett, just to at least try and get her mind off of her problems.

_He's alive, Hackett._  
_Williams_

Was all she put and sent it. Seconds later she received a message back.

_I know, meet me by his room._  
_Hackett._

She set a new course to Shepard's room only making a slight detour to the vending machines she saw. She swiped her chit and pressed a button for some sort of candy-bar. The candy came out in an airtight package that seemed impossible to open with her shaking hands. It wasn't until just now that Ashley realized just how deeply Joker's words had affected her. Sure she normally let those kind of things roll off her back, but was that_ reall_y what Joker thought of her? A heartless woman that Shepard shouldn't have chosen, taken back.

The thought of it sent cold shivers up her spine. A friend, someone she thought she trusted. Ashley heard shuffling behind her and turned to the disturbance. Only to find a weary-eyed Joker.

"Listen, Ash," Joker started raising a hand to Ashley. If Ashley's eyes were Harbinger's laser, Joker would be a pile of ash.

"I don't want to hear it." Ashley said. It wasn't that she was mad. she was just shocked he said that, upset that he ever thought of Ash that way, but of course freaking ecstatic that Shepard woke up, _even better_, worried about Shepard's condition. She pushed past him, placing the candy bar in his hands with a slap.

She reached Shepard's room and saw Hackett standing at Shepard's door.

"Sir," She said, giving a quick salute.

"No need for that." Hackett said waving it off. He lowered his voice, "How are you? Now that Shepard's awoken you must feel better." Ashley gave a small ghost of her smile, and nodded. "What's wrong, you don't seem as happy as I thought you'd be?"

Ashley sighed. Should she tell him? I mean it was very upsetting and she needed to tell someone. Though Hackett wasn't the person, and she decided not to

"Personal issues, it'll be cleared up soon, sir." She resolved to say instead.

"Right," Hackett said skeptically, though he didn't question Ash. "Well, Williams, it's a damn miracle, I'll get straight to the facts. Shepard woke up about 13:30 with you in the room. It is now," He looked down at his Omni-tool checking the time. "14:10, give or take. We have had steady and normal increase in activity, both brain and physical. He is now speaking with relative ease, and should be able to be taken off regular sedatives in about a day." Ashley smiled now. "He is currently under due to the fact the doctors dont want him hurting himself before he had has time to heal."

"Regular sedatives?" She asked.

"Yes, the fact that Shepard just rose from a coma that he spent months in, we don't want him to overexert himself. In his state now, just raising his hand can do just that, even though Shepard is a strong, healthy, man. It is procedure." Hackett said.

"Oh," She said slightly relieved, _'It's just procedure'_ "That's great news."

"You can go in and visit if you wish." Hackett said, gesturing to the door.

_'There's still things I need to do. Someone I need to talk to.'_ She thought to herself, before answering.

"As tempting as the offer is, I have things to do. John will be fine for a bit, right?" She asked. Hackett nodded his answer and Ash continued. "Good, though when I return I wish to be alone with him." she paused, adding a small please at the end.

Hackett gave a small smile before saying, "Access granted."

**_A/N And FINALLY Hallelujah, I actually updated! Too be frank, Im terribly sorry about the extremly long break between the cliff hanger and now. But to be honest, my birthday was Saturday and Im still hurting, and I just wasnt in the mood to write. Im not entirely too happy with this Chapter but, I figured I'd get it out. That and I've been playing Dragon Age... It took me ages to kill the ArchDemon!  
_**

**_ALSO! I have an idea for a novelization of Mass Effect, each one has a different Romance sub-plot, and both of them have very diff. story lines. One it's a Male soldier, while the other is a Female biotic... I just cant decide which one to do... And I tried combining them but it just doesnt work... Either or, I want to write one and publish it here. Any suggestions? Reviews are Great, for it was one from a Guest that got my ass in gear to write this! To whoever the Guest was that said 'The suspense is killing me' or something along those lines, the readers of Alone In The Dark have you to thank!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Soo yeah, I'm alive, and it's been a long time since my last update.. Sorry sorry... Dont know how many of you will still care about this story but... I got my inspiration back. This story ****_WILL _****be finished, I swear on it. Though swearing is bad isnt it? Well life got me down for a few months, and I was in a bad place, one not suitable for writing. I still dont feel a hundred percent now, but I had to update this. I have to say, the beginning is pretty bad. )I forgot the names of almost all the orginal councilors, so if someone would be amazing and tell me the names, that'd be great) Bear with me here, the ending though, I quite like. Made me smile while writing it. Enough rambling, Get reading, my readers! ;P**

Ashley took the long hallway to the room she was directed to. It was much busier than Shepard's hallway.

Shepard. Alive, cheating death a second time, Ashley smiled at the thought. With no Reapers to fight against, now what? Ashley thought to herself. She'd never know the answer to her own question, because a load of squeals overtook her hearing and very thoughts. Her sisters stormed toward her, Abby lagged behind a bit though, it's what you get with a broken leg. Sarah however, seemed to lag for different reasons.

While Lynn and Abby hugged their older sister, the youngest Williams was much more hesitant. The fight they had was on the forefront of both minds.

"I'm glad you're alright, sis." Lynn said, bumping her shoulder.

"Yeah, you too," Ashley said to Lynn, then she turned to Abby with an arched eyebrow. "You know, my story is much better," she said, gesturing to Abby's broken leg.

"Yeah well," Abby said with a nervous laugh, "blame the bad guys."

"It's over? It's really over?" Ashley's mom said, making her appearance. "The Reapers, are gone, dead?" she questioned.

"Only the husks remain, but there really wasn't much left in them anyway." Ash said with a shrug. "But yeah, it's uh, it's finally over," Ashley said in awe.

To be truly over, the fighting, the battles, the war, it was overwhelming. Now everyone could start rebuilding. It would be a rocky start, a tough road, but Ashley knew, her soldier's instinct screamed at her, everything was going to be fine. Once of course, she cleared the air.

"That's amazing!" Abby said, with a huge smile. While the other Williams girls talked, laughed and cheered, Ash made her way to Sarah.

"Hey," Sarah said when Ashley was close enough. "I, I can't believe it's over," she whispered. "Thomas, he didn't die for nothing, he helped end this all," she continued.

"Yeah, Sarah, Thomas helped end the war with the Reapers," Ash said with a smile, putting a gentle arm around her sister. She killed people with the hand she rested on her sister's shoulder. She fought, broken it, shattered it, but most importantly she killed with it. Ended the 'bad guys' lives' She also carried the wounded with them, reached out to help someone, saluted with it, and now, here she was just casually resting it on Sara's shoulder.

There was no more war, no more fighting. Now she got to treasure her time, and her life, and all that was thanks to Shepard. Not just Shepard, Ashley thought, Garrus, Tali, Liara, Javik, James. Ashley frowned when she realized she was only thanking the ones that survived, when the real heroes were the ones that didn't make it. Thomas, Ashley thought, glancing at her youngest sister, Thane, that drell. Legion, EDI. All those remarkable men and women in uniform, Kaidan... All of them helped end this war in some way or form. Ashley bowed her head, and said her sincere thanks, along with a prayer for those lost.

"Can we talk?" Sarah asked. Ashley knew that talking to Sarah was her main reason for being here. The main reason she had left Shepard's room. Ashley led them away from the small family group. Once out of earshot, Ashley closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I'm sorry for being," Ash paused, A major, royal bitch? Yeah pretty much, she thought to herself. "cold. I was upset."

"I guess I do understand, you and Shepard were certainly something special. I just can't..." Sarah paused, "I really am sorry, if I would had known things were as bad, I wouldn't have fought with you."

"Looking back at the fight, it was ridiculous, and uncalled for. Tension was high, and I cracked." Ash gave a sad smile. With a squeeze from her sister's hand, Ash decided it was time for some happy news. "But, the main reason I wanted to talk to you was to apologize, and give some news." Ash said. She leaned her arms against the railing, leaning on her forearms, a very casual stance.

Sarah looked at her and nodded, giving Ash the go ahead.

"Shepard is, well, this is difficult to explain. Sarah, he woke up when I was in the room with him." Ash gave a humorless chuckle, "He's going to live, again. Cheating death, again."

Sarah stood shocked, her jaw hanging low, and her eyes were unblinking. The face of shock.

"That's wonderful, Ashley!" Sarah said with a broad smile, before giving her sister a hug.

"Yeah," Ash gave sigh, "you think so?"

"Of course! Maybe now we'll get to meet him," Sarah said with a wink. "You never did bring him around,"

"Well it's kinda hard and all with what was going on," Ash said.

"I know, I was joking." Sarah cast a glance towards the others, "we should tell them the good news too."

"What? They don't know though," Ash said, totally confused.

"I uh.." Sarah gave a sheepish look, "might have told them about Shepard dying," she paused, "And that you were taking it a bit hard,"

Ash stood mouth open, her sister did what!?

"Listen I'm sorry, but, you were upset, I never saw you cry over someone like that, other than dad." Sarah said lowly. "I was worried and asked mom for help,"

"What did she say?"

"That it happens, it's part of the grieving process, that I went through it too." Sarah said, kicking at the ground.

"I just..." What could I say? Ashley thought, I mean, I was upset, and it would've been nice for my mom's comfort, but they didn't need to know everything! Ashley thought.

"I'm sorry," Sarah said, genuinely for what she did.

"Let's just," Ash paused, looking at her family, "go tell them."

They walked towards the group with Sarah leading Ash. Ash didn't hear anything they said, but she could guess they were talking about her.

"Ash, I..." her mother paused, stopping her sentence when Ash shook her head.

"Sarah told you that the medical staff were pullin' Shepard off life support, right?" Ash asked her sisters and mother.

"Yeah, and we all wanted to say," Lynn starts, coming forward and hugging her sister tightly, "we feel your loss with you, and well..."

Ash gave a smile and held up her hand, the fact that her family wanted to help take the burden of a death off of her shoulders was comforting.

"He's not dead, guys." Ash said, glancing at all of them in turn. Their faces were all a single expression. Shock.

"How!" Her mother asked.

"Well, they were going to pull the plug on his machines," Ashley said, reliving the sadness. "But, he woke up, right as I was leaving. It's a miracle that he's alive." While Ash added 'again' under her breath.

"Oh my god! How is this possible?" Abby asked, frowning.

Sarah spoke up, "It's the Commander Shepard, i'm sure he just couldn't leave with Ash here." Sarah joked bumping shoulders with Ashley. Ashley's mouth hung wide, for a moment she was unsure. She quickly glanced around worriedly and back to her family.

"I can explain!" Ashley quickly said, raising her hands in defense. The bewildered look her mother gave her made Ashley groan. This was going to take some time to explain.

"A relationship with your commanding officer!" her mother squealed.

"I swear, it wasn't what you think it is, it's just during our mission together-" Ashley's mother held her hands up, shaking her head and turned from Ash. Ash faltered, this was not what she was expecting. "I-" her mother turned turned and with a huge smile. "What?"

"Ashley Madeline Williams, you don't think I know my oldest daughter like the back of my hand? I was just waiting for you to say something. I knew there was a thing between you two."

"I- Wha- Hold up!" Ash finally stuttered out, "What do you mean, 'you knew'" Ash said using air quotations.

"I was once in love too, Ashley. I was also young,"

"Oh really? You, young? Never knew!" Sarah commented in the back. Earning a playful glare from their mother.

"Anyways," Ash's mother said, steering the conversation away from her. "You should bring him around soon. Once he heals of course."

"Uh, yeah, I planned on it." Ash stated confused, where the hell did that go?

Ashley made her way back to Shepard's room, only to see reporters, lots and lots of reporters.

"Hello! Here we are at the site of Commander Shepard's room, in there now, are the members of the Council. We all want to know what's being discussed with our resident first human Spectre-"

Ashley had heard enough from the female reporter in the purple and black dress, that did not look good on her. Ashley pushed her way through the crowd of Omni-Tools and floating cameras.

"'Scuse me, what's going on?" Ashley asked the reporter.

"Oh wow! You're on Shepard's crew!" then in a stage whisper, "Cameras rolling?"

"No, no, no, no," Ashley said holding out her hands, as if that would deter the verbal onslaught.

"Here we are, with one of Shepard's crew who has agreed to answer our questions." The reporter paused, holding the Omni-Tool under Ashley's mouth. "What is the physical state of the Commander? Will he recover soon? Rumors state that Shepard is in a relationship, can you tell us who with?"

Well, that escalated quickly. What happened to questions on Shepard's state? Ashley murmured her I don't knows and tried to push the Omni-Tool away from her.

"Excuse me, I believe now is the time to disperse." A raspy voice came to Ash's aid. Thanks to Hackett, the reporter looked at Hackett and nodded, then to Ashley with a glare.

In the mere seconds that Hackett spoke, all the reporters, and cameras left. Ashley was standing, frowning, and still completely confused.

"You have to watch out for reporters, Williams. They fire rapid questions, and refuse to let you answer. It's a pain in the ass." Hackett said, clasping his hands behind his back.

"I expected some craziness, but not this much." Ashley admitted.

"Well, Shepard's a big deal, he just destroyed the Reapers, Williams. Stuff like this will happen a lot. Are you ready to face it?" Hackett to Shepard as more than a commanding officer.

Ashley thought a moment. Of course she knew things were going to be covered on the news. She thought about that a lot. Especially after all of this, people were going to need some sort of icon, of normalcy to hold onto. Shepard represented good, and strength, of course the whole galaxy wants that.

"Yeah," Ashley nodded, adding emphasis to her point. "Yes, i'm ready."

"You know, if you decide to go public with your relationship with Shepard, well, that'll make you a target to, and in turn your family."

"I think it's best to decide when Shepard can add his two cents in. I don't really feel comfortable making that call." Ashley said, straightening her spine at the thought of her being in any sort of limelight.

"Wise choice," Hackett agreed. "Now, I have some work for you to do."

"What do you mean?"

"Just reports. Right now as commanding officer of the Normandy, you are responsible for status reports, and all that merry stuff." Hackett said waving his hand as he spoke.

"Aye, Aye." Ash said, saluting, she glanced at the door of Shepard's room and frowned. Was the Council really in there?

"Yes," Hackett answered, seemingly reading Ashley's mind. "They're discussing a memorial, Shepard, even in his fragile state, is trying to convince the Council that one needs to be built to honor those who died. People like Thane Krios, Mordin Solus, Kaidan, even a geth! Can you believe that?"

"Well, that's Shepard." Ashley smiles then the frown falls off her face. "Why is the council here? Or should I ask how?"

Hackett grunted, and rubbed his chin were a growing stubble was obviously recently shaved. "Would you believe me if I said I don't know?"

"Not for a minute,"

"Well, it's a long story, and we really should be going. All I can say is that they're investigating some rumors."

"Must be big if the councilors themselves decide to get a little dirty." Ash scoffs.

"Well, big enough." Hackett started walking away, and Ashley followed.

"Anyways, Williams, will you come with me? Once the Council is done with Shepard, they'll want to talk to you too." Hackett said, gesturing with two fingers in a 'follow me' motion.

"Are you listening to us Shepard? This is serious!" The Asari council member said, obviously frustrated.

"Yeah, sorry, pain medicine hasn't kicked in yet," Shepard lied, to be honest, he really didn't want to talk to them, he wanted to sleep, possibly.

"The doctors said that you may leave, so we are ordering you up, we'll give you five minutes, Shepard." The Turian councilor said, turning around with the rest of the group following. Shepard groaned and sat up, scratching the back of his head. He was really sore, and could really use one of those pain meds but, not as bad as he could be.

Damn, Shepard said, rubbing a finger down his jaw line where his implants glowed with the work of repairing his body. All his scars were glowing, even ones on his body.

Shepard made his way behind the councilors, with the help of a walker. He felt like an old man, hunched over, in loose fitting clothing gifted to him by the hospital.

"Now we have much to discuss, please Shepard, sit." Valern said, gesturing to the chair, there was three chairs, and another three on the other side of the long desk. Obviously a make shift office area.

"'Bout what councilors?"

"We'll get there soon." The Turian councilor said, with a Turian scowl.

"Sorry, It's just that-"

"Sorry we're late, this damn base is impossible to navigate." the raspy voice of Hackett rang.

"That is fine, Admiral, and Lieutenant Commander Williams." Valern said, bowing slightly.

Shepard turned as much as he could seeing Ashley nervously glance in his direction. Shepard sat puzzled, and turned back to the councilors, Hackett had moved one of the three chairs over to the Council's side. Uh-Oh.

The table was high, really high, unusually high. Shepard adjusted his position, and his hand reached for Ashley's. He decided against it though, when Hackett shook his head.

"Now, we gathered both of you here for one peculiar claim." The Salarian councilor started.

"That there was a relationship going on between you two." the Turian councilor said, seemingly looking down at the two in disgust.

"What?" Ashley asked.

"I hope you both know that fraternization between Alliance soldiers is against protocol." Mister-above-everything-Turian said.

"You're not even Alliance!" Shepard said to Turian.

"Will you confirm or deny the accusations, Shepard," Valern, asked. Shepard frowned, then looked down at his hands. He was scarred, bruised, beaten, and broken, this wasn't helping. He never thought this far ahead. He never thought about what might happen if they were found out.

"This has got to be the least of our worries councilor!" Shepard said, trying to buy time.

"Commander Shepard, i'm getting bored, stop stalling." The Turian said with the Turian equivalent of a scowl.

"Will you just answer the question, if you have nothing to hide, then don't hide it." The Asari councilor said.

Ashley stayed silent the whole time. Shepard glanced to her for help, but he got an emotionless gaze back. Shepard sighs, interlocking his own fingers.

"Councilors-"

"Yeah," Ashley said looking at the councilors with a determined expression on her face. "Yes, Councilors, we are in a relationship." Ashley's hand reached for Shepard's as she stared down each councilor, making each one turn their heads to avoid her hard gaze. Except for the Turian councilor.

Shepard squeezed back a smile on his face.

"And I don't see what the problem is," Ashley finished.

"The problem is, Lieutenant Commander Williams, that any relationship between soldiers in the Alliance, is against regulations. Or did you forget?" the turian asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"I see," The Salarian councilor commented.

"Have you not ever had a relationship in your ranks, Councilor?" Shepard questioned the Turian

"No, most definitely not, I make sure the Turian military follows their orders, protocols, regulations, if not, they are dishonorably discharged, which Commander, you will most likely be! Along with Williams here."

Shepard had had enough, and stood, as fast as his bruised body could.

"I don't know if your blind, councilor, or a dumbass." Shepard slammed his hand down, the sound echoing in the silent room. "Have you anything to compare this to? Have anyone of you had a couple of your oh-so-mighty Spectres in a relationship? If you do, you just lied, if you don't, how would you proceed?" Shepard pauses, his hard edge leaving, and his body sags and he leans against the table. "I had only one reason to come back, you won't take that away from me." Shepard said angrily. "Councilor," Shepard said addressing the rude Turian. "I don't have a clue what you have against me, and to be honest I don't care anymore, but if you ridicule me, look around you!" Shepard gestured outside, to the mass destruction of London.

"This used to be a prized Earth city, now look at it! It's in ruins thanks to this war." Shepard continues, in a much nicer and friendlier tone. "Now is not the time for disagreements."

"I don't care! It's principle, if we let you go then how many more?" The Turian questioned.

"Then who the hell cares! People fight harder when they know they have somehting to come back to, I tested and proved it myself."

The Turian's eyes glazed over, and he shook his head, still obviously angry. The Asari stood,

"I don't quite see the problem, and it has no affect on us directly. Who knows, when the public gets wind of this, just think of the good publicity we can get."

The Salarian agreed in a much more intelligent form, and Hackett grunted his agreement.

"And you are okay with this, Hackett?" The Turian asked.

"Yes. Hell I knew about it," Hackett just shrugged. "To be honest, I could care less about this."

"You knew?!'

"Yes." Hackett said easily, shrugging it off as if someone asked him what sports team he liked. "And if this meeting is over, I have much work to get done, so..." Hackett trailed off, letting the other councilors nod and excuse themselves.

Shepard smiled at Hackett, thanking him with a meaningful gaze while Ashley came to his side.

"That sure was something."

"Yeah, suppose so." Shepard said. "I love it even more knowing we're pissing off at least one person," Shepard leaned over as much as he could, kissing Ashley for a long time.

"Wanna know the scary thing?" Ash asked. Shepard looked at her and urged her on with an arched eyebrow. "My family wants to meet you." Shepard smiled and just laughed it off. He draped his arm around Ashley despite the protest in his body and chuckled.

"Yeah? Well, that'll be something far more than I could hope for." Shepard said smiling and walking.

"No, you know, I never brought a guy home, to meet my family. God, I can already hear my sisters squealing," Ash said with a slight smirk on her face, feigning her annoyance.

"You poor, poor, soul. Imagine me! They'll bombard me with questions." Shepard smiled and gently put his arm around her. Mostly because he felt himself getting weak.

"You're not exactly healed though," Ashley said with a frown. Shepard stopped, turned and arched an eyebrow.

"Course not, but i'm as close as I can be in this hospital. The docs really did clear me earlier." Shepard said, lying. Truth was, he could use a few more days of rest in a hospital, but then again, he didn't want to. He wanted to make up for all the time he was gone.

Ashley shook her head, apparently taking her self from her daze, and settled on walking ahead.

Shepard smiled, finally feeling free. They won, they ended the Reaper threat, it was over. He was forgetting something, but couldn't quite remember what it was.

"You okay?" he heard Ashley ask.

"Yeah, how could I not be?" Shepard asks, placing his arm around Ashley's shoulder. She leans into him just a little bit, but they both keep their steps.

"Things are going to be difficult, Shepard," Ashley says. Shepard stays quiet for a long time, long enough to make it back to his room, mulling it over. He just looks down at her, and grins

"Nothing is ever easy, but we can work it out, together." Shepard plants a quick kiss on her cheek, sighs with content.

"Well, together it is then. I needa head back to the Normandy, but, we're invited to my mom's hotel room for-"

"Dinner," Shepard interjects. "Yeah I know, I'll be dressed all nice and maybe I'll even shower." Shepard teased.

"Hey, you know, I can still hurt you. You're not fully healed yet." Ash said shaking her head with a smile. Shepard smiled back, and nodded, giving Ash one last kiss before she walked away. Shepard waited until she rounded the corner before slumping back down and groaning.

The sharp pain in his head was not a good thing. He stumbled through the door and fell onto his bed in a heap. Clutching his side, and grimacing in pain.

Just as soon as it began, it ended, and Shepard gasped for air, as he sat up. He looked at himself in the mirror from his bed, his face pale and his hair ruffled.

"What the hell?" he asked aloud.

Shepard hadn't had another flare up of pain, but he was really worried. Worried enough to even raincheck on the dinner tonight, but that would not be a good idea. Ashley would question it and probably exhaust herself with questions and worries.

Shepard showered, dressed, and started his way towards the lobby of the hospital where Ashley said she'd meet him. Shepard wore his best shirt that he could find, most of his clothing being on the Normandy, and jeans.

He sat and observed the scene. Everything was chaotic, and people rushed about, tending to dying family. Shepard sighed and shook his head. He got another chance, even though these people were suffering. He couldn't help but feel selfish for a moment. He got to live with his friends and family, while people's siblings, children, parents, more, died!

"Shepard?" he heard a voice call from behind him. He turned and couldn't help the smile on his face.

Ashley stood before him, a hand on her hip. Shepard then just realized she was wearing a dressy skirt with an expensive looking shirt. He arched an eyebrow but didn't question it. Though a smirk still rested on his features.

"Oh don't you start on me! I had Joker laughing at me, Tali giggled and blushed, at least I think she blushed, and Traynor aww'd! She 'aww'd' me! It isn't even comfortable." she finishes with a grumble.

Shepard chuckles and takes her hand.

"Well, it's something alright," Shepard let another chuckle escape his lips, watching Ash's eyebrows knit together. "But, you look amazing," he gently rested his forehead against Ash's and smirked.

"You think so? 'Cuz this was not my idea! Swear on it." Ash chuckled too. "Well, we should hurry or we'll be late." she resigns her fate with just that sentence. "This is what I get for bringing you home."

"Hey!" Shepard stops, Ash just a step in front of him. "I'm worth it," Shepard said, holding his hands out wide, an inviting gesture.

Ashley just laughs and turns around shaking her head, making her way through the crowd.

"Wait! Right?!" Shepard yelled after her, taking a jog to catch up with his lover.


End file.
